Unraveling Guilt, Emotional Echoes, and Dependence.

I am going to share my experience on "emotional  dependence"  on basis of  two main reasons.

• How did I get rid of problems like guilt and Criticism?
• How painful is the result of emotional dependence?

I have been doing all my work as an honest person with great devotion.  Despite having the qualities of a proactive person in me, I have fallen victim to negative thinking at many times. 

• I have always been working as a person full of positive energy in my teaching profession.  
• I succeeded as a best motivator and trainer with  teacher's training program.

But despite this, I have gone through the experience of guilt many times.  Many times I have critiqued myself and others.

• I am a person of "spiritual  instinct"  and I have a lot of interest in subjects like "spiritual and ethics".  
• In spite of all this, I have been reacting more intensely to the situation many times even when everything is going well.  I could not understand where the problem was?

Let's open a layer and first identify the problem and then we will talk about diagnosing the problem.

Relation between Problem, Behavior and Attitudes.

Despite my behavior and attitude being positive, problems like guilt and Criticism were present in me.  Why was this so?

The biggest formula is "the problem has no meaning from the behavior and perspective".

• No matter how tactful you are?
• Even if your attitude is hundred percent positive.

The problem itself remains a problem until it is solved.

For example, if you want to go to city A and you get a printed map of city B in place of city A by mistake of printing, and you do not know this mistake.  

• What will we do?
• Can our behavior and attitude solve this problem?  Probably not.

You arrive at city B to discover that the city map was incorrect.  If our attitude is 100% positive then we will be happy to consider this city as our destination.

• But the problem remained.  Our true goal was somewhere else. Even behavior here can do nothing.

The same thing was happening with me.  Is there a problem of looking at problems somewhere?

The best formula to identify the emotional dependence .  

• Identify your center of behavior.

Famous author "Stephen R. Covey" in his famous book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" has given a formula to identify your  center of behavior's in the second habit.

Whatever is at the center of our life is the source of our safety, guidance, intelligence and strength

Was I addicted to emotional dependence?

Let us look at the following facts to know the answer to this question.

• I have always given value to others.
• I have always treated others in such a way that no other person feels bad.
• I have never been able to refuse other people for any work.
• I always thought that it is not right to hurt another.
• I have never ignored the behavior of others.
• I have always been more dependent on the opinion of others.
• I made every decision on what people would think.
• I used to feel guilt easily when someone ignored my point of view.
• I have always frustrated myself for the happiness of others.
• I always wanted the support of people like me and wanted to prove myself right.
• I was always guided by the actions of others because I used to react to them.
• I always used to do more work than just ignored my body.  I have been a workaholic person .  Because I wanted myself to be successful in front of other people.
• The decisions I made were rooted in the intentions of others.

As a boss I have often adopted the following habits.

• To react if the work is not done correctly.
• To nurture my ego, I adopted anger and aggressive behavior.
• Adopted the habit of being arbitrary in order to do one's work accordingly.  Even if my motive was to do good and best work.

The whole gist of it is that I have paid more attention to others than myself.  

And it is proved from the above mentioned things that I am suffering from emotional dependents.  This was the only reason for my guilt and Criticism.

Symptoms of Emotional  dependence 

Emotional dependency is a display of unbalanced relationships.  Where one person spoils his or her mental health over the other person's poor mental health.

• Focusing on the needs of others.
• Suppress our emotions.
• Trying to control or fix other people's problems.
• Emotional dependence people demonstrate low self-esteem.
• By accepting the power of others, they underestimate their power and respect themselves less.
• Such type of persons are ready to fulfill the needs of others and take responsibility for the work of others and throw themselves completely.

These people have the following health related problems.

• Poor Mental health
• Extreme caution
• Compulsions,
• Fear
• Stay alone
• Great desire for acceptance and affection
• Excessive Pressure 
• Panic is common, 
• Stress etc.

People with emotional codependency priorities their needs while being more busy with the needs of others.

How to overcome emotional dependence?

Some useful steps may help as follows.

• Never argue on the weakness of others.
• Don't even argue to justify your weakness.
• Stop blaming to others.
• Ignore the problem of zero and indirect controls.
• Do yoga and pranayama to reduce extreme reactivity.
• Welcome the circumstances that do the necessary work that needs to be done.
• Do not make decisions based on your memory, but take decisions based on the principles.
• Stop justifying your behavior with logic.
• Don't stop assuming the other persons are  wrong.
• When you care less about what others think of you, then you will not focus on the weaknesses of others.
• As a result, you will not take the weaknesses of others on your mind.  Due to this you will be strong and your energy level will remain normal.
• The biggest crime is to criticize the spirit and to underestimate yourself. Take the decision to remove it now, that is, love and respect yourself.
• Work within your sphere of influence rather than reacting to what others are doing, what they are not doing.

Best three way face the problem of codependency:

1: Love And Respect yourselves.  

Start reducing deep dissatisfaction.  For this you can do that, to erase the memories of whatever incidents happened to you in childhood and to eliminate the fear or guilt, the solution is as follows.

•  Love yourself as you are.
•  like yourself
•  accept yourself.

This will help in throwing out every single guilt and Criticism  buried in your subconscious mind.

2:Maintain emotional maturity

• Respect other people to be different from yourself.
• Other people have the right to disagree with you.  And you also have every right to disagree with others. Imprint this thing in your mind.
• It means you are right and I am also right. No one else can hurt us with guilt and criticism unless we allow it
• Keep your mind switch / remote  control with you and do not give to others.

3:Principle Centered way of living

• Spiritual development is the most important formula to solve any problem.  
• But by living a principle centered life, we are soon able to deal with situations like emotional codependency.
• First of all, you have to know your center of problem.  In which center is the problem?  (Discussed above). 
• This is the easiest way to center the right principles within yourself.  Then you start to understand your true life values ​​in depth
• Once you understand the correct principle of your center, you can rewrite your mental construction in the right way.  
• That's the solution. Emotional dependence turns into interdependence.
• The problem of people with emotional dependence is that I lose and others win.  
• Transform this paradigm into a win/win paradigm.it increases the ability to become free from one's memory and to live according to imagination and discretion.
• For spiritual development it is necessary to develop physical first.  You need to exercise 30 minutes every day then do yoga and meditation at least 30 minutes.
• Stop taking power from your position, reputation or other resources.
• Always think good for both yourself and others. Talk about praise for both.
• Keep both your courage and your concern for others at a high level. A balance between both is necessary.
• Make a sincere effort to put yourself in the place of others, then your perspective of looking at problems changes.
• There are many things in life - the people we spend our time with, our education, our physical health, our career, our personality, our wealth etc.  
• Now happiness does not mean that all these things will always be perfect.  In fact, it's the opposite.  They will never be perfect.  
• So, talk positive to yourself everyday and don't absorb their negativity.

"Letting Go Method" By   Awakening With Brahma Kumaris.

Sometimes we don’t realize the burden of the mental baggage that we are carrying. The baggage could be - our ignorance, pain from past experiences, attachments, expectations, wrong habits, limiting beliefs and people’s opinions. 

Only when we pack up of these old ways, we can accommodate new ways of thinking, behaving and being. On the journey of life, it is wise to travel light, carrying only what is needed. 

This applies to emotional baggage too. We tend to carry hurtful past – disappointments, wrong habits, pains and fears. 

Letting go creates space for new ways of thinking, behaving and being. 

Follow these steps to let go of any unnecessary emotional baggage –

1. When your mind is disturbed, check what it is thinking. It may be about the past or future. Direct it into the present.

2. Choose a right response in every scene. No blaming, judging or criticizing others.

3. Even if someone betrayed you, hurt was your creation. If the mind questions, Why did they do this to me, create thoughts, I let go …I understand people…I accept them… I face situations with stability.

4. No one and nothing belongs to you. Everything has come as per your karmic accounts. So let go of attachments or resentments about yourself, people and situations.

Repeat this affirmation daily to have a stress-free mind. You start connecting to your original self, as you remove the layers of negativity. There will be inner space to accommodate and activate your original qualities of happiness, love and compassion.

I am a happy being … I shift from one scene to the next … with ease … I stay in the present … I let go of my old habits of blaming … worrying … criticizing… the scene does not stay on my mind…  I focus on people’s goodness … I have compassion for them … their behaviour does not stay on my mind … I travel light … on this journey of life.

In Conclusion:

When we bring thoughts of obstruction to ourselves in our minds due to the shortcomings of others, then we become emotionally dependent and generate a sense of guilt and Criticism for ourselves in the subconscious mind.  

And the subconscious is deprived of the wisdom and knowledge inside the mind.

Because of this, we become mentally and emotionally very weak and live fearfully.

So pray to your subconscious mind that I know that the deep intelligence of my subconscious mind is helping me to grow stronger and recover. 

I am sowing the seeds of balance, harmony and equanimity in my life and I am getting free from "emotional dependence."